Totally Optional Prompt: Rewrite

TOPers: this week's prompt is about poems we've rewritten. Maybe it was a matter of changing a word or two, tweaking a line to make it flow smoother. Maybe it was a completely different approach to the original idea. Whichever it was, we'd like to see how it went, especially if you feel it was an improvement.

Post both versions of the poem. Heck, post several versions. We'd be interested in hearing any thought processes that might have been associated with the revision as well.

Come back Wednesday evening or Thursday morning and leave a link to your rewrite post. Or leave a link to some other poetry entirely. Remember it is
Totally Optional
!